Sara (keet_obsessed) wrote,
Sara
keet_obsessed

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Meh...

You have no idea how much I want to be a trainer again. But then there's that lousy pay (typically $18,000-$20,000/year) that keeps me down to earth and aspiring to be the biotechnologist I seem to be destined to be. I think a lot of it is my ability to now do 30 push-ups without straining anything (working on 35 right now, but those last five are still a little bit of a challenge). What do push-ups have to do with dolphin training, you ask? Well, it's a very physically-demanding job - after all, you are hauling buckets of capelin/mackerel/salmon and ice all day. Not to mention you also need to be able to haul yourself out of the water for safety reasons. SeaWorld requires their trainers to be able to do 50 push-ups. I didn't think I'd ever be able to do that, which was why I was questioning it. To my knowledge, none of the other facilities have that requirement, but that doesn't mean the job is any less physically-demanding at, say, Indy Zoo, than it would be at SeaWorld. But anyway, I was questioning it mostly due to my old wrist injury, but it has healed considerably over the last five years and rarely bothers me anymore. So far I've never actually re-injured my wrist while working out, and I intend to keep it that way.

And, damn, I do have some pretty sick biceps already, lol. Still got a ways to go, but I didn't think I'd even have the ones I have after just two months.

But I still have my challenges... I've managed to stay away from cookies, but CAKES are my weakness. I baked a cake to use up a vegan "whipped cream" (came out to more like a pudding) I made, and, agh, when you're a woman during that time, you crave so much sweet. I had eaten so many bananas today I just didn't feel like eating them and with no other fruit in the house, that cake was telling me to eat it. I managed to stay away from one from work, but even that was a challenge.

Oi. I felt so guilty and did three reps of 35 push-ups to burn it off. I don't know why I'm so hard on myself...it's not like I'll gain 50 pounds just by eating a cake that has been doctored to contain very little calories/fat to begin with. Heck, if anything, it has some added nutrition considering there's almond milk in it, lol.

Meh...I'm just so mixed right now. -_- I just need to quit beating myself up over this... I totally didn't reckon having a past eating disorder continue to haunt me, nor did I anticipate cravings for junk food remain (and I didn't eat a whole lot of junk food to begin with).
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